


The Way Home

by ideserveyou



Category: Arthur of the Britons
Genre: Angst, Dreams, Fight Scene, Funeral, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Tears
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-10-30
Updated: 2010-10-30
Packaged: 2017-10-12 23:24:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,242
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/130281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ideserveyou/pseuds/ideserveyou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kai finds comfort from an unlikely source, and Arthur rediscovers his priorities</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Way Home

**Author's Note:**

> Set during the episode 'The Wood People'. Thanks to trepkos for insightful beta-reading!

'Bury it with him.'

The fight is over, but Arthur's voice is still full of cold fury as he flings the dead Saxon's notched sword down. 'Let them rot together.'

Kai has rarely seen Arthur so angry, even in the thick of battle; and when he thinks of the abuse and humiliation meted out by Arthur's captors, while he himself was forced to stand by as a helpless spectator, he grinds his teeth, his hand tightening on his axe haft with a rage scarcely less savage than Arthur's own. There would have been no escape for the ex-gladiator even had he succeeded in overcoming Arthur in single combat, no matter what mercy Arthur might have promised on his followers' behalf.

Kai finds he is shaking, and he's bitten his tongue; he can taste the blood. The duel with the Saxon leader seemed to go on for ever, with so many anxious moments when it seemed Arthur's remaining strength would fail him; when he stumbled, and was injured, and they were locked together, straining and sweating, and at any moment Arthur might have been struck down. Kai could scarcely bear to watch, and could not look away…

But now Arthur is free, and unharmed save for a scratch across the chest, and here he is, walking towards them. Kai draws a harsh breath: the first, it seems, for many hours. He tries to calm himself; to still the wild beating of his heart.

Arthur's face is set and grim; Kai feels a surge of disappointment as he passes by without reaching out a hand or even slowing his stride. But then he hears Arthur murmur very quietly, 'Walk the other way… give me a little while…' and he understands.

Arthur disappears into the trees.

Kai turns back to Llud and their three other men, making no comment on Arthur's absence.   
'We should return to the Saxon camp when we've buried this carrion,' Llud says, taking charge. 'There are more bodies to be buried there, and we need to make sure that Yan's body is returned to the Wood People with due respect…'   
Llud talks on, making arrangements, assigning tasks, but Kai listens with only half his attention until out of the corner of his eye he sees Arthur reappear on the far side of the clearing. Without fuss, he goes to meet him; they stand face to face, a couple of steps apart.

Arthur bites his lip and looks at Kai. He hesitates before reaching out to touch him; then pulls him into a brief, tight embrace. Kai can feel him shivering.  
'That was a close thing,' Arthur says quietly. 'All afternoon, and all night… and it was a cold night…'   
Kai winces. Arthur's hands were tied, and to judge by how his captors treated him, they would have denied any request for relief of his body, even had his pride allowed him to make one.   
'Good thing they wouldn't give me anything to drink,' Arthur continues, as they cross the clearing. Kai puts an arm around his shoulders, supporting him when he stumbles. 'But I'm thirsty now…'   
'And none of us has a waterskin. We didn't think we'd need them, when we set out.' Kai aims a savage kick at the Saxon leader's bulky corpse. It doesn't make him feel any better.

'Take this,' a soft voice says from behind them.

Kai turns to see the Wood People's Elder, who has materialised without a sound. She holds out a leather bottle to Arthur, who takes it and drains it eagerly. The old woman is smiling. 'Our swiftest runner is already on his way back to your village to send riders and spare horses to meet us at the Saxons' camp. I trust I have done right?'  
'You have indeed,' Arthur says. 'Once again I am in your debt. I thank you.'   
He sways a little, leaning on Kai's arm. 'If there is anything I can do –'

'Let us see first to what must be done,' the old woman says. 'Then later, we shall see whether there is anything else that can be done.'  
She beckons, and the others of her people creep like shadows out of the trees and begin to help dig a grave.   
Kai tries to make Arthur sit down and rest, but although he is bloodied and weary, Arthur insists on helping with the work.

When the Saxon leader has been unceremoniously dumped in the ground and earth and rocks piled on top, to prevent the wolves digging him up again, the Wood People accompany the Celtic warriors back to the Saxon camp.

It's not far, but even so, Arthur is sagging with tiredness by the time they return to the clearing where he was held captive; and when he sees the scattered ashes of the camp fire and the bodies and belongings of the guards strewn around, and Yan the Woodman lying dead and crumpled where the Saxons threw him down, Kai hears him catch his breath.   
'You shouldn't stay here,' Kai says quietly in his ear. 'We could start for home, you and I, and let Llud take charge. I expect we'll meet the horses on the way.'

But Arthur won't hear of it. Resolutely, he goes to help with the digging of a burial pit, his face very pale and with the same grim determination Kai recalls seeing in the moonlight last night. After only a few minutes, Kai looks up and sees him swaying, with a hand to his sweating forehead. As his knees buckle, Kai catches him and leads him gently away.

'You need to rest.'  
Arthur shakes his head, but he doesn't have the energy to resist. Kai makes him sit down, out of sight of the camp, and wraps his own coat around Arthur's chilled body; then he returns to the wreckage of the camp and finds a sheepskin blanket, a flask with a little wine left in it, some bread and a piece of meat that still looks edible. But Arthur recoils from the touch of the fleece, and shakes his head at the mere smell of the wine; the Saxon wheat bread makes him choke; and when Kai offers him the meat, he looks sickened at the thought. Kai suddenly recalls the Saxon leader forcing Arthur's head down towards the food on the ground, mocking him, calling him a pig… He curses himself for an unthinking fool, and flings the things away into the brambles.

'Perhaps these might be better.' Once more the Wood People's Elder has approached unheard; she hands over a piece of their hard bread; more water; an apple. Her bright eyes look at Arthur appraisingly. 'And you're cold, too. Here.' She furls a chequered grey woollen cloak around his shoulders, although neither of them had noticed that she was carrying one.

'Thank you.' Arthur's voice is remote. The old woman smiles, lays a hand on Kai's arm, and says quietly, 'Best leave him be for a while.'

So Kai leaves Arthur to his rest, and once again bends his back to the digging. It's hard work shifting the heavy soil with their makeshift wooden shovels, but at least it keeps him from thinking.

Midway through the afternoon the riders from the village arrive, and with their assistance the work is swiftly completed.

Last of all, the grave is dug for Yan, and lined with grass and ferns by the Wood People; they wrap him in his green cloak and lay him reverently to rest, chanting slowly in a strange language. The women cover him with autumn leaves and sprays of berries, and each of the Wood People brings a small gift: a cloak pin, a blue bead, a horn spoon. One of the women kneels down and places a lock of her hair on the body. Arthur stands with them, facing Kai and the other Celts across the grave; his face is full of pain. He turns to the Elder. 'I have nothing to offer…' His voice cracks, and Kai realises with a shock that he is crying. But she smiles, and reaches up a wizened finger to touch his wet cheek. 'Yes, you do.' She touches the finger to her own grave-gift, a wooden cup. 'A gift from your heart…'

Kai doesn't hear any more. He can't bear it; it was bad enough watching Arthur suffer at the Saxons' hands last night, but to see him broken down like this in broad daylight and before his own warriors… He turns abruptly away into the trees to be alone, striding up the steep, wooded slope with no heed to the direction he is taking. He feels he could weep his heart out. He isn't even sure why. When he can go no further, he leans his forehead against the trunk of a tree and slams a fist into the rough bark again and again, until his knuckles are raw. But still the tears will not come. His throat aches, his chest heaves, there is a tight knot in his stomach, and his mind is stretched taut as a drying deerhide, but there is no release.

A touch on his shoulder makes him jump. He has no idea how long he's been standing here. He whips round, gripping his axe haft; but he already knows that it is no enemy who stands behind him.

'Your hand is bleeding.' The serene old woman in her blue hood is looking kindly at him. She takes his clenched hand in both of hers and opens it out; from somewhere in her robes she pulls a scrap of clean cloth and very gently wipes away the blood. Her touch is warm, and wonderfully soothing.

'Thank you, mother.'

Kai speaks without thinking; then puts a hand to his mouth as though the last word has burned him.

She smiles.

'Now, that's a word you haven't spoken in a long time.'

Kai shakes his head, and suddenly, to his shame, he is weeping like a child.

The Elder gathers him to her and holds him close.

It is wonderfully comforting. She smells of herbs and woodsmoke and her arms are strong and warm. And to think that only a few days ago he flinched from the thought of touching one of these people… Kai leans against her, grateful for her kindness, and she says no word of either sympathy or judgement, but simply lets him cry until he has no more tears.

When it's over, she sits beside him on a fallen trunk and waits for him to calm down. Kai sniffs and rubs his sleeve across his wet face.

'It's your Arthur, isn't it? He's your trouble.'

It seems nothing is hidden from the Elder's bright eyes.

'You need more than he is giving you.'

Kai nods; it's pointless to deny it.

'I thought so. That day he came home, and you were sent to bring us into the village, all decked in your new finery as you were, regal purple no less, to welcome him back. And then there was work to be done, and we made more work for you, and you thought your effort wasted.'

Kai sighs heavily, clears his throat, and says hoarsely, 'We – we used to be closer. His leadership changed him. But not me.'

He thinks back to the summer before Arthur took his father's place, when they barely spent a night apart. Once Arthur was declared the tribe's leader, though, it seemed that he needed Kai less in the bedroom and more on the battlefield, closing himself off from anything that might make him vulnerable to his enemies. Kai stayed loyal, living on the hope of a kind word, a smile, the occasional, treasured night when Arthur would let his guard down. He can't remember how long ago the last such night was…

Tears fill his eyes again, and fall unheeded.

The Elder says thoughtfully: 'There are charms I could use… but that is not what you want, is it?'

'No.' Kai shakes his head vehemently. 'I would take nothing from Arthur that he was not willing to give.'

'He's troubled by you, too, you know,' she says. 'I'm sure of it.'

Kai looks up.

'Then why –'  
'– didn't he come here to look for you? He would have done. Would have run straight after you from the graveside if I hadn't held him back. But he wouldn't have been able to follow your path, and anyway he hadn't the strength to climb the hill. Not today.' She puts a hand on his arm and holds him with her bright gaze. 'He will come to you, my dear, but it may take him a little while, and you must be patient, and let him make his own way. And then when he finds you, he will never leave you again.'

'How can you know that?' Kai's voice is choked.

'I have seen it,' the Elder says, simply. She gets to her feet. 'Now, we should return to the others before dark.'

Kai shakes his head; he doesn't want the other warriors to see him like this.  
But the old woman reaches a hand down to pull him to his feet, and says gently, 'Dry your tears.'  
And all at once Kai's tears cease, the pain in his heart is gone, and his face is dry.

~~~

Dusk is falling by the time they return to the clearing. Arthur looks up as Kai approaches, and smiles with relief, then comes to meet him; puts an arm round his shoulders and draws him back to the hearth, where the Celts are debating whether to make camp for the night. Llud is all for waiting until daylight to set off for home, but Arthur over-rules him. He has no wish to spend another night in this place.

The Wood People ride with the Celts: they know the road even in the dark, and there is a moon to help them. Kai takes the Elder in front of him, and they lead the way.  
He keeps glancing at Arthur, who is staying on his horse mostly by strength of will, and when they reach the village, Kai is there to catch him as he slides wearily from the saddle.

Holding Arthur close against his side, Kai takes him to the longhouse and into his sleeping chamber, lays him down on the bed, helps him out of his boots and cloak, then gently strips him of his breeches, and his torn and muddied leather shirt.  
'That's going to need mending,' Arthur says wearily.  
'It may be beyond repair,' Kai replies. Part of his mind wonders why on earth they are having such a trivial conversation at such a time; but another part is just grateful that they are talking at all.  
'I hope not – I liked it.' Arthur looks up at Kai with affection. 'But not as much as that purple one of yours.'  
Kai's heart stops. 'What?'  
'Did you think I hadn't noticed?' Arthur's voice is warm. 'The other day, when I came home… you took my breath away. I was waiting for the right moment, to talk to you. But I waited too long, and suddenly I was captive, and regretting my cowardice. The one thing I wanted most of all through that long night was the touch of your hand, and the one thing that made me afraid was that I might never have the chance to tell you.'

Kai sits down on the stool beside the bed; he chokes on a sob as he cleans the blood from Arthur's chest. Arthur says quietly, 'Last night was a long night for you, too.' He raises a gentle hand to Kai's cheek.

Kai nods, unable to speak as he finishes his task and pulls the covers over Arthur; then he makes as if to stand up, but Arthur holds him back.

'Don't go…I'd like you to stay.'

Kai looks at him in astonishment. Arthur smiles for the first time in two days.

'But there is no need for you to sit there. Not if you'd rather lie down…'

Kai would.

He closes the bedroom door, and bars it, then strips down to his breeches and climbs into bed to lie flat beside Arthur, still scarcely able to believe he is being permitted this. Arthur murmurs 'Thank you.' But then he rolls onto his side, turning his back, and a wave of utter panic washes over Kai. It's been a mistake; Arthur has changed his mind; he is going to be rejected again… Crushed and sorrowful, he is just about to turn back the covers and get out of bed when Arthur says quietly:

'I'm cold, Kai.'

Just as he used to when they were small.

And just as he always did then, Kai reaches out and gathers his brother in, puts an arm over him and holds him close, to warm him.

Arthur gives a happy sigh; his body relaxes against Kai's, and all is well. They drift off to sleep together in contented silence.

~~~

The Saxon's notched sword slices soundlessly through Arthur's throat, the rush of blood glistening black in the moonlight. Kai watches from the forest, screaming. He wants to run to Arthur, catch his body as it falls, tell him he loves him, but the brambles tangle his feet and hands and he can't move. He flails about and thrashes to get free, struggling and sobbing. A hand is laid on his shoulder, but he shakes it off. He has to reach Arthur before it's too late – he has to –

'Kai!'

Arthur's anxious voice breaks into his dream. Gentle hands try to hold him, but he pulls away and buries his head in the pillow; he can't look.

'What is it? What did you dream?'

Kai struggles to speak. Finally he says harshly, 'I saw the sword cut your throat – and the blood.' He is still shaking from head to foot. 'It looked so real…'

Arthur takes Kai's hand, places it on his throat. 'Feel that? No blood. I'm whole, Kai.' Kai's trembling fingers move cautiously to feel the pulse beating in Arthur's neck.

Arthur takes his hand again and holds it; then lifts it and kisses Kai's fingers. 'And I love you.'

He puts their linked hands on his chest, to let Kai feel his heart. 'And my heart beats for you.'

He moves Kai's hand again, lays it gently over his prick. 'And I want you.'

Kai catches his breath, but Arthur holds his hand in place until Kai curls his fingers around Arthur's growing hardness. He turns his head on the pillow and lets Arthur take his mouth, very softly, giving him comfort; then takes his hand away, but only for as long as it takes him to struggle out of his remaining clothing. Then they are pressed together, close and warm, the familiar urgency growing between them just as it always did; only this time, for Kai, it's different.

This time, for the first time in many years, the pleasure is not tinged with sadness.

They are tired and sore, and the peak, when it comes, is not some soaring, distant height of ecstasy, more a gentle roll over a grassy hill on a summer day; but it is enough.

Afterwards, Kai falls asleep with Arthur in his arms, hope in his heart, and the wise woman's words ringing in his ears:

'When he finds you, he will never leave you again.'


End file.
